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Wednesday, August 3, 2016

The Voice

It occurs to me that I've done myself a terrible injustice. You see, when you're young there is a voice that whispers to you and invites you to delight in your natural talents. It's the voice that encourages you to listen to the same song over again, make up a dance for the heck of it, spend hours digging in the dirt for no apparent reason other than you like it, build elaborate towers of Legos or draw inventions that your future self will invent.

As we grow and begin 'adulting' our ways through life we have a chance to listen to the whispers and heed the call of the voice; Go. This is what you're meant to do. You'll be happy and satisfied with this work. It's not about paycheck or class or what you could own. The money will come when you're doing something you're truly great at anyhow.  However, you also have a chance to not listen to the voices. They never really go away for good...you'll occasionally hear them from time to time. You may even take some time out of your day to enjoy a bit of what you once loved. But they've stopped working so hard to get your attention. You chose to go another route. They folded.

Here I am. 36 years into my life and I just now am REALLY understanding what a fool I was for not taking the advice of those voices, my core, my gut. Because they were right. Here I am a skip and a hop from 40 considering a complete shift in direction. I'm planning on creating a whole new reality for myself because the manufactured one isn't working. It is not my authentic self. When your mind wanders constantly and always veers back to those same concepts as a child something is there.

And a big part of the motivation is my kids. I want to encourage them to take the lead from that inner-voice in life. It's so wise. Also, I want them to see what living authentically means. And they can see my story unfold and see that it was a great decision because in the end they'll gain a more fulfilled Mom.

I picture my inner-conscience (similar to the move "Inside Out") leaping for joy right now! YES! She's back! She's finally figured this out. Time to get to work, gang. It is exciting. It's also scary as hell because it requires courage, not being afraid of judgement or failure, starting over, hairy eye-balls,etc...I can keep going. Elizabeth Gilbert has written about how we can't wait for someone to give us a permission slip to do our thing. But I know that's me. Waiting for someone to just say "Hey, you're actually supposed to do this....so....go ahead.".

There is a poem by Shel Silverstein I read recently. I've probably read this 1,000 times before but it is only NOW that is resonates (note to self: make my kids memorize this poem)

The Voice
There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel that is right for me, 
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent or friend 
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you -- just listen to
The voice that speaks inside

And with that....I will begin to heed the call of that voice and welcome it into my life with open arms and wild abandonment.

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