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Monday, March 30, 2015

Daydreamer'

The daydream is the same one lately. I'm standing in my Grandmother's kitchen washing dishes. I'm using the same thin dishcloths  that she has had for years. They smell of Dawn and fresh air. Only it isn't my Grandmother's house..not really. I'm living there. The window looking out into the front yard is much larger. I can see far to the left and right...all the way down to where my Granny's house used to sit. The d√©cor is my style. I have a large farmhouse sink. The once wooden walls are now white washed.  I have open shelves where cabinets used to dawn the walls. They are perfectly curated with white dishes and a few aqua ones for pops of color. It's all different and yet it smells the same as it had for years. The scent of Alabama, peas and dumplings cooking.

There is no background noise other than my Crosley playing my Etta James record. The laughter of the children from the front yard echos. They are running around the large pecan tree near the driveway, the same spot I used to dig. Making mud pies. The same place that once a large snake fell and my father killed it with a hoe. It's peaceful. There is no traffic. No sirens. Just peaceful. Chad is out back tending to the cattle and checking on our flourishing garden that will produce tons of delicious tomatoes and watermelon in the summer (clearly a daydream as we have yet to grow a fruitful garden...always hope though).

This daydream comes to me more and more as we live in such a busy world. Have a busy life. Self inflicted often yes...but busy. There is always some place to be, and to get there we must battle through traffic. Not city traffic, because we don't technically live in the city. That is even worst. I'd rather be in the thick of Chicago traffic than this suburban hellish traffic. In my daydream I don't have to worry about my kids playing outside and getting hit by cars, or approached by strangers. In this dream I have no worries. I guess part of me is longing for this simplistic scenario. Growing up I remember spending hours outside riding bikes and digging in dirt and yet these days I rarely see this sight. It makes me sad. Makes me wonder if my kids are going to have those delicious childhood memories like I do of just using my imagination.  I fear that they'll get caught up in the technology/game playing world. I know it's my job to not let that happen of course. I wish for them a life of contenement, of not 'wanting', of being happy with what they have and yet this world we live in now it doesn't seem likely. I hope they don't get caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones" mentality like I have so many times. Precious time has been wasted wishing I had more than I have now or something that someone else has. I realize now that what I have is magnificent. That you take with you your relationships, your love for those around you. If all of that were to disappear (the things); the legos, the fancy bar carts, the clothes, I'd be left with insurmountable love and that would be enough. Simply enough.

I want enough to be what we seek. My daydream teaches me what I long for in my life and the life of my family.  I hope they read this one day. Maybe come back and read this when they find themselves getting caught up in the "want" game. It's a struggle for me still. I want life to revolve around us spending time together. To not give a second thought to what someone else has I wish my house looked like that. I need that, etc..)To instead go outside and just enjoy the beauty around us. The smell of spring. The trees in the Fall. The majestic snow. I do want. I crave something that is out there. Space. Fields of green grass. Mountain tops. Beaches. Nature. And my family. Everything else that seemed so important will just wash away.....

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