Monday, June 9, 2014
Back to the words though. My instructor's voice is so soothing as many yoga teachers are and I was lost in what the words meant. I was very aware of my surroundings. I was sitting in a room full of women going through the same journey that I am and it felt powerful. What our bodies can do is insane and kicks ass. I left class feeling strong, able and later....conflicted.
You see, with our first child I was told to have a C-Section. I was in no immediate danger really but Little A had a big head, was inevitably going to be 'big' and the doctor felt this was the way to go. In hindsight, I wonder if he just wanted me scheduled in the books so he could make a golf game but I can't dwell on that. I think we made a great decision. I had an amazing birth experience, heard his cry, had a healthy baby and all was well in the world. My recovery on the other hand left much to be desired. I've heard someone who bounce back immediately and others (like myself) who have a much harder time. I don't do well in circumstances where I'm unable to fend for myself. For me, it was the pits!
This time my doctors (different than the first because now we live in Georgia) initially encourage me to have another C-Section because I've had one previously. At first in my mind I agree because they are the doctors after all, but slowly over time I feel myself wanting to try for the natural delivery (natural as in the old fashioned way..not natural in a w/o drugs kind of way..just so we're clear). It scares me to DEATH really but this pregnancy has just been different for me. I feel like I'm different than I was 4.5 years ago. I feel ready. More prepared for what lies ahead of me. I feel more capbable, stronger, more fit and in shape than before and I think I need to give myself the chance. I feel like I deserve to try. Everyone is different. I know this. No matter which way the dice roll you still end up with an amazing baby, but something inside of me wants me to do this.
Of course having your delivery in the calendar makes things easier for sure...especially when your family lives 12 hours away, but I also want the rush of having my water break, going into labor, driving to the hospital. I know it's not as glamorous as it looks in the movies but still...it's little things and our experience.
I pose my question out to the universe...have any of you struggled with this decision? Felt this way? Had a VBAC and felt it went great? I'd LOVE to hear about any of your experiences.
Also, I do realize that many of my posts are going to be motherhood related for a while b/c it's hard to ignore when you look down and see a basketball in your tummy :)